Thoughts on infant sleep

There is not one right way.

I see some very polarizing posts or comments when it comes to baby-toddler sleep.  I often think, thank goodness I didn’t have social media when I first became a mom!

I work with women through fertility, pregnancy and into postpartum and my intention is always to support them where they are and to shed no judgment.  We all get to make our own choices and we should never feel bad about them!

Let me just talk about sleep and babies.  I have four that are now 6,8,10 and 13.  So, I have had some experience.

I know people that co-sleeping worked wonderfully for them and their family.  And lots of sleep was had.

I know people that did the cry-it-out method and it was a breeze and not as bad as they thought.  And lots of sleep was had.

ALL of that is ok.  I support all of that.

But here is what I see more often than not.  A lot of sleep deprived parents walking around not knowing what to do because they don’t want to feel like they made the wrong choice because of possible judgment.  Also, people think that this is just what life is with a baby.  And that baby turns into a toddler or little kid and they are still not sleeping!

I would like to give a little overview of what I did with my four kids.  Not all the nitty gritty details, but a glimpse into what teaching my kids to sleep looked like…

I did not co-sleep and I did not do cry-it-out.  (Remember I have no judgment on those choices)

We followed a routine.  A routine that turned into a wonderful rhythm that we were all in sync to.

I did not nurse my babies to sleep.  But I did hold them if they needed extra snuggles.

They learned to fall asleep on their own in their own rooms.  When they cried/called for me, I always went.

When they were sick and needed to be held for hours, I did.  If I was concerned, I slept with them.

When they had a bad dream I would go and lay with them or rub their back and help them fall back asleep.

Sometimes we have sleepovers!

Sometimes they cried a lot.  And sometimes so did I.

Sometimes I left the room for a little while because I thought I was going to lose my mind.

My four kids had different sleep personalities…

Some took no effort.  One took ALOT.

Some are deep sleepers.  One is light.

Some sleep in.  One is always the first up.

They stay in their bed all night long.  

My kids are well rested.

My kids and I are very emotionally and physically connected to me.

I am sharing all of this because I also believe there is a beautiful middle ground for all things sleep.  You can teach your babies to sleep well and still get all the bonding in.  I am living proof and no one can prove otherwise.  (Yes, I am allowed to get a little defensive on that.)

Whether someone agrees with how I did it, it doesn’t matter.  We felt it was the right choice and all these years later I still feel that way.

Let’s stop saying it is either or, or that one way is better.  No one should be shaming anyone. Ever.

We are all biased.  We all feel strongly about our choices. And we should!

But if you find yourself sleep deprived and not happy with how things are going, consider making a change.